Gay and Mormon?

Jorge from Spain left me a comment asking me if it is possible to be gay and Mormon. It's a good question, one that probably gets asked frequently by members of the Mormon church who are struggling with their sexual orientation.

Just to clarify, I was raised Mormon and all of my family members are Mormon but I don't identify as being Mormon now. I'll talk more about this in a minute.

Though the issue is complex, I think the answer to Jorge's basic question is no, the Mormon church does not allow gay men or women to be members.

The church membership is approaching 12 million. If we estimate half are men and 10% of them are gay that leaves us with 600,000 gay Mormon men. Now don't get all bent out of shape if you don't agree with those numbers. I'm just trying to make a point that there are more than just a few Mormons that are gay, think they might be gay, or are just confused in general about the whole thing.

My personal experience and numerous friends in this situation give me (I believe) some credible insight into the situation.

Keep in mind someone raised in the Mormon church will have deeply held beliefs and convictions. I understand this will be the case with many other religions as well but I will stick to what I know. These beliefs are instilled from birth and include a very defined set of rules and responsibilities. Mormons believe this life is a "test" that will determine what reward they will receive after they have completed this earth life.

You can imagine the conflict present in an individual who is Mormon but is attracted to members of their same gender. Church doctrine teaches that acting on these "feelings" will compromise their eternal happiness, separate them from their families in the afterlife, etc.

So, what is one to do? Here are a few reactions that I have experienced or encountered:

1. Ignore the feelings. Consider it a phase. Wait to grow out of it.


2. Experiment, but still consider it a phase. Probably experience feelings of guilt. May talk to a church leader, confess, ask for help, etc.


3. Read books on the subject. Go to counseling. Join Evergreen (http://www.evergreeninternational.org/)


4. Live a double life. Date guys on Saturday night, then go to church on Sunday.


5. Ignore the feelings. Get married, have a family.


6. Stay active in the church. Never act on the feelings. Stay single and celibate.


7. Leave the church. Wait for the church to change its position.


8. Leave the church.

Obviously there could be many others but I feel this is a good representation. I don't presume to make any judgements about the paths others may take. I hope people will make choices that allow them the happiest and most fulfilling life.

I know personally I reached a point where I refused to believe that my life was supposed to be one of loneliness and despair. I remember clearly the day I looked in the mirror and said, "Yeah...I'm gay." 8 or 9 months later I met Craig and now 6 years later I am content as can be.

As for my feelings toward the church, I suppose I view the Mormon church with the same feeling of uncertainty that I view any church, but also with the same respect I have for any church that promotes good.

So there you have it. My two-cents on a subject that probably should fill volumes. Go forth and be gay...or not.