It's a lazy Saturday morning. Craig is out mowing the lawn, Max is sprawled on the floor, Daisy is sunning herself in the backyard. I am walking around the house with my crazy morning hair and trying to get motivated.
Today is supposed to be 100 degrees, tomorrow 82 and Monday 64. Though I used to love the summer and the heat, I find myself more partial to the spring and fall. Warms days and cool nights, that's the thing for me.
I see I've been a bit of a slacker lately posting blog entries. It's been a bit of a challenging week and I tend to not feel like writing when I'm not feeling perky. I will try to do better.
So I'm off to shower and then we go to Logan to help Brent move. I need to hurry before Craig comes in and yells at me for being lazy......and then stares at my hair.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Sing a Song of the Speedo
It seems like every time I turn on the TV there is some guy prancing around in a speedo. Now, granted it's mostly the Olympics on my TV these days, but still.
You have to be quite comfortable with yourself to slip into this mere suggestion of clothing. Especially knowing your mostly naked self will be viewed by a billion people on the telly. (Many in high definition, I might add.)
I suppose if anyone should be allowed to wear a speedo it would be an Olympic athlete. However, I assure you during our recent trip to an Italian beach there wasn't an Olympic athlete to be seen. Apparently the official swimwear for Italy is the speedo, the skimpier the better. After a few hours on that beach, I felt I needed an eyewash station.
Those Italian men are a hairy-legged bunch. At first I couldn't figure out why everyone was wearing fur pants to the beach, but then I realized......
Anyway, it's not just the tiny swim wear I find odd. It seems every other male Olympic athlete has some sort of too-tight outfit on. Don't forget the runners, wrestlers and gymnasts. What's with those tight little gymnast pants? I don't think I should be able to take one glance at a gymnast and know which way his pommel horse is pointed. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.
And finally, I've always wondered about the swimmers shaving every square inch of their bodies. Does that really make them faster? I guess looking like a giant 10-year-old boy may have its advantages. After all, I've never seen an Italian male swimmer sporting an Olympic medal.
Well, I'm off to shave my legs before I take a shower. I'm hoping to take 3/100ths of a second off my best time.
You have to be quite comfortable with yourself to slip into this mere suggestion of clothing. Especially knowing your mostly naked self will be viewed by a billion people on the telly. (Many in high definition, I might add.)
I suppose if anyone should be allowed to wear a speedo it would be an Olympic athlete. However, I assure you during our recent trip to an Italian beach there wasn't an Olympic athlete to be seen. Apparently the official swimwear for Italy is the speedo, the skimpier the better. After a few hours on that beach, I felt I needed an eyewash station.
Those Italian men are a hairy-legged bunch. At first I couldn't figure out why everyone was wearing fur pants to the beach, but then I realized......
Anyway, it's not just the tiny swim wear I find odd. It seems every other male Olympic athlete has some sort of too-tight outfit on. Don't forget the runners, wrestlers and gymnasts. What's with those tight little gymnast pants? I don't think I should be able to take one glance at a gymnast and know which way his pommel horse is pointed. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.
And finally, I've always wondered about the swimmers shaving every square inch of their bodies. Does that really make them faster? I guess looking like a giant 10-year-old boy may have its advantages. After all, I've never seen an Italian male swimmer sporting an Olympic medal.
Well, I'm off to shave my legs before I take a shower. I'm hoping to take 3/100ths of a second off my best time.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
My Grandma is a Bitch
Well, not mine actually. My grandma is neither a bitch nor is she....well.....alive.
I actually saw this phrase spray painted on one of my sidewalks at work today. I couldn't help but think this is the oddest graffiti I've ever seen. What could a grandma do to cause such anger? Are her homemade cookies gross? Does she pinch the cheeks too hard? Honestly, bitch and grandma just shouldn't be in the same sentence.
Then I remembered I was in West Valley City. Perhaps this grandma was a heroine dealer or dabbled in the kiddy porn. More likely, she simply refused to give her grandchild money to buy meth or vodka.
Either way, perhaps in the future this person's sentiments could be expressed via a nice card or even an email, and NOT spray painted on my sidewalk. Just a thought.
I actually saw this phrase spray painted on one of my sidewalks at work today. I couldn't help but think this is the oddest graffiti I've ever seen. What could a grandma do to cause such anger? Are her homemade cookies gross? Does she pinch the cheeks too hard? Honestly, bitch and grandma just shouldn't be in the same sentence.
Then I remembered I was in West Valley City. Perhaps this grandma was a heroine dealer or dabbled in the kiddy porn. More likely, she simply refused to give her grandchild money to buy meth or vodka.
Either way, perhaps in the future this person's sentiments could be expressed via a nice card or even an email, and NOT spray painted on my sidewalk. Just a thought.
Consider Me Assessed
This spring they announced to all the Salt Lake Choral Artist members that we would be required to complete a vocal assessment with Dr. Allred. Essentially this was a re-audition where we would sing a solo of our choice and a section of Mendelssohn's Elijah.
I was particularly nervous to re-audition considering I had never actually auditioned in the first place. In fact, I've never had to do a vocal audition in my entire life. I only started singing in January of this year. What was a nervous baritone to do??
Craig and I have been pounding out our solos for the past several nights. Then we would sing along to our recording of Elijah. Then we'd each complain about how we don't like our own voices.
So last night the assessment finally happened. I was so afraid my nerves would get to me. I pictured the audition and could see myself passing out or choking on snot or something. I was also worried about the nervous vibrato. You know, when your vibrato speeds up to where you sound like Snow White. That's just great. Birds fluttering around my head as I vibrato-ed away.
We drove up to the university and sat outside his office door waiting our turn. I felt like I was waiting for an interview with the bishop or something. I could hear a lady in his office warbling away.
Our turn finally came and I went first. First we did lots of "ma ma ma-ing" to determine my range. Then I sang my solo. My sight reading didn't go great, but I survived. Dr. Allred then had Craig come in and we sang together a section from Elijah. Then I went back to the hall while Craig did his stuff.
While I was waiting, some old guy showed up for his audition. He asked if I'd been in already. I said, "Yes, I'm just waiting for my other half." He said, "Oh, that's great that you and your wife are in the group together." I stared at him for a minute, coughed, then stared at this bug crawling on the wall.
The look on his face was priceless when my "wife" came out. I'm not sure why. Maybe Craig was taller than he expected.
It was actually a good experience despite my terror. My blood pressure should return to normal sometime next week. I always enjoy a good growing experience, especially once it's over.
I was particularly nervous to re-audition considering I had never actually auditioned in the first place. In fact, I've never had to do a vocal audition in my entire life. I only started singing in January of this year. What was a nervous baritone to do??
Craig and I have been pounding out our solos for the past several nights. Then we would sing along to our recording of Elijah. Then we'd each complain about how we don't like our own voices.
So last night the assessment finally happened. I was so afraid my nerves would get to me. I pictured the audition and could see myself passing out or choking on snot or something. I was also worried about the nervous vibrato. You know, when your vibrato speeds up to where you sound like Snow White. That's just great. Birds fluttering around my head as I vibrato-ed away.
We drove up to the university and sat outside his office door waiting our turn. I felt like I was waiting for an interview with the bishop or something. I could hear a lady in his office warbling away.
Our turn finally came and I went first. First we did lots of "ma ma ma-ing" to determine my range. Then I sang my solo. My sight reading didn't go great, but I survived. Dr. Allred then had Craig come in and we sang together a section from Elijah. Then I went back to the hall while Craig did his stuff.
While I was waiting, some old guy showed up for his audition. He asked if I'd been in already. I said, "Yes, I'm just waiting for my other half." He said, "Oh, that's great that you and your wife are in the group together." I stared at him for a minute, coughed, then stared at this bug crawling on the wall.
The look on his face was priceless when my "wife" came out. I'm not sure why. Maybe Craig was taller than he expected.
It was actually a good experience despite my terror. My blood pressure should return to normal sometime next week. I always enjoy a good growing experience, especially once it's over.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Relationships...What a Kerfuffle
Aren't the relationships they show in movies great? The movies always fade to black right after the happy couple joins hands and walks off into the sunset. We then walk out of the theater thinking that's how our relationships will be.
However, if the movie kept rolling, we would see the couple walking out of the sunrise not speaking to each other. See, all that walking can really make a person grumpy. Plus there was that thing he said that came out wrong, then you couldn't agree on something, feelings got hurt then the in-laws did this or that and you felt like your opinion wasn't important and then the ex-boyfriend comes along......AHHHHH.
I'll tell you right now, being in a committed relationship is the most satisfying, soul-fulfilling thing that can happen to a person. But it does require effort.
I'm afraid that too many relationships are destined to fail because the people aren't compatible. If you try to make a go of a relationship with someone that doesn't share your core values you are looking for trouble. YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE TO FIT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR! Don't believe me? Give it a whirl and see.
Physical attraction is important but will never be enough. The most gorgeous person in the world can quickly become homely once you get to know them. If you base a relationship solely on how sexy someone is, what happens when they get older and start to sag? Yup, it happens to us all.
I also think sometimes compatible people simply give up on their relationships too easily. Having disagreements doesn't mean the relationship isn't working. In fact, I'd be more worried if you don't have a squabble once in while.
My dad used to always tell me that relationships don't have to be 50/50, they just have to add up to 100. I know there are many days when I don't have 50 to give, but Craig always makes up the difference.
So, avoid toxic relationships. Cultivate positive ones. And if you haven't found that someone yet, keep looking. He/she is out there.
However, if the movie kept rolling, we would see the couple walking out of the sunrise not speaking to each other. See, all that walking can really make a person grumpy. Plus there was that thing he said that came out wrong, then you couldn't agree on something, feelings got hurt then the in-laws did this or that and you felt like your opinion wasn't important and then the ex-boyfriend comes along......AHHHHH.
I'll tell you right now, being in a committed relationship is the most satisfying, soul-fulfilling thing that can happen to a person. But it does require effort.
I'm afraid that too many relationships are destined to fail because the people aren't compatible. If you try to make a go of a relationship with someone that doesn't share your core values you are looking for trouble. YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE TO FIT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR! Don't believe me? Give it a whirl and see.
Physical attraction is important but will never be enough. The most gorgeous person in the world can quickly become homely once you get to know them. If you base a relationship solely on how sexy someone is, what happens when they get older and start to sag? Yup, it happens to us all.
I also think sometimes compatible people simply give up on their relationships too easily. Having disagreements doesn't mean the relationship isn't working. In fact, I'd be more worried if you don't have a squabble once in while.
My dad used to always tell me that relationships don't have to be 50/50, they just have to add up to 100. I know there are many days when I don't have 50 to give, but Craig always makes up the difference.
So, avoid toxic relationships. Cultivate positive ones. And if you haven't found that someone yet, keep looking. He/she is out there.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Faure, Faure Away
That Faure is a genius. If he were still alive I'd buy him a chocolate shake from Burger King.
If you've never heard his Requiem, put it on your list of things to do. We had the honor of performing this piece along with John Rutter's Requiem at the final session of the Summer Choral Institute last week. What an amazing experience.
The choir was a little bigger than the previous sessions and we actually had as many men as women. Sure, a few couldn't really....well....sing. But, the whole purpose of the Summer Choral Institute is to give people some exposure to choral music and allow them to learn from one of the best choral conductors in the world.
We performed the pieces with orchestra and organ accompaniment. The harpist was an a#%hole but other than that, an experience to remember.
If you've never heard his Requiem, put it on your list of things to do. We had the honor of performing this piece along with John Rutter's Requiem at the final session of the Summer Choral Institute last week. What an amazing experience.
The choir was a little bigger than the previous sessions and we actually had as many men as women. Sure, a few couldn't really....well....sing. But, the whole purpose of the Summer Choral Institute is to give people some exposure to choral music and allow them to learn from one of the best choral conductors in the world.
We performed the pieces with orchestra and organ accompaniment. The harpist was an a#%hole but other than that, an experience to remember.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Cheese+Puffs=Delicious
Most people think them a food for children under 5. I say they are a cheesy little slice of the Celestial Kingdom.
Craig's sister Julie had us over for dinner the other week and cheese puffs were on the menu. I'd forgotten how my taste buds so enjoy the puffs. You need to watch out though, you can sit down with a bag and before you know it you've eaten half of it.
Then Craig brought a bag home from the store the other day. Oh, the guilty pleasure. I took a look at the nutritional information on the bag. Yeah, um....cheesy little slice of love handles is more like it.
I've noticed whenever I have a session with the puffs I always end up with a numb tongue and permanently stained orange fingers. Though that orange color is resistant to soap and water, it has no problem transferring to everything I touch for the next 3 days. Sorry walls, phone, Max, piano music and every white shirt I own.
Why am I writing about cheese puffs? I don't have the slightest idea. Obviously I need help.
The End
Craig's sister Julie had us over for dinner the other week and cheese puffs were on the menu. I'd forgotten how my taste buds so enjoy the puffs. You need to watch out though, you can sit down with a bag and before you know it you've eaten half of it.
Then Craig brought a bag home from the store the other day. Oh, the guilty pleasure. I took a look at the nutritional information on the bag. Yeah, um....cheesy little slice of love handles is more like it.
I've noticed whenever I have a session with the puffs I always end up with a numb tongue and permanently stained orange fingers. Though that orange color is resistant to soap and water, it has no problem transferring to everything I touch for the next 3 days. Sorry walls, phone, Max, piano music and every white shirt I own.
Why am I writing about cheese puffs? I don't have the slightest idea. Obviously I need help.
The End
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Homosexuals: Revered by All?
It has come to my attention that there are people out there who are not fond of the homosexuals. I know, I was incredulous as well. Apparently to some we represent a threat to the very moral fabric of our society.
Our friends at the Westboro Baptist Church actually run a website, GodHatesFags.com. These are the people that demonstrated at Matthew Shepard's funeral and proudly commemorate his death with a count of how many days he has been in hell.
Though less extreme in their approach, numerous major religions subscribe to the idea that homosexuality is sinful, unnatural, and abhorrent to God.
It is difficult, but I choose not to respond with the same hatred and anger that is directed toward me. Instead, I'm simply curious.
Maybe there is something to the idea that people hate in others what they hate about themselves. Maybe people feel good about being involved in a "cause." Maybe people don't even know why, it's just what they were taught.
It's strange to think that I am probably looked upon by some people with more contempt than child molesters, spouse abusers and maybe even murderers. What an odd sense of morality some people hold.
Now I'm the first to admit I poke fun at the lesbians now and then, but I assure you it really isn't mean-spirited or spiteful. So, if you think me a hypocrite, send your hate mail and I will make an appropriate act of contrition.
Meanwhile, consider this: Everybody knows someone who is gay, whether you (or they) know it or not. When Fred Phelps declares that "God hates fags," he is not talking about some limp-wristed lispy homosexual in San Francisco. He's talking about your son or brother or uncle or neighbor.
Our friends at the Westboro Baptist Church actually run a website, GodHatesFags.com. These are the people that demonstrated at Matthew Shepard's funeral and proudly commemorate his death with a count of how many days he has been in hell.
Though less extreme in their approach, numerous major religions subscribe to the idea that homosexuality is sinful, unnatural, and abhorrent to God.
It is difficult, but I choose not to respond with the same hatred and anger that is directed toward me. Instead, I'm simply curious.
Maybe there is something to the idea that people hate in others what they hate about themselves. Maybe people feel good about being involved in a "cause." Maybe people don't even know why, it's just what they were taught.
It's strange to think that I am probably looked upon by some people with more contempt than child molesters, spouse abusers and maybe even murderers. What an odd sense of morality some people hold.
Now I'm the first to admit I poke fun at the lesbians now and then, but I assure you it really isn't mean-spirited or spiteful. So, if you think me a hypocrite, send your hate mail and I will make an appropriate act of contrition.
Meanwhile, consider this: Everybody knows someone who is gay, whether you (or they) know it or not. When Fred Phelps declares that "God hates fags," he is not talking about some limp-wristed lispy homosexual in San Francisco. He's talking about your son or brother or uncle or neighbor.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Strike Three...You're a Lesbian
Today at Josh's softball game I was noticing the girl to guy player ratio was more than a little skewed in favor of the lesbians. You couldn't swing a dead weiner dog without hitting a lezzie wearing a softball mitt.
Sure there are a few token gay guys on the teams but for the most part, girl power. Craig, I and Alasdair sat quietly on the bleachers carefully averting our eyes whenever one of the the lezbies sauntered by. They can be quite intimidating with their mohawks, scars, tattoos, sharp teeth and crazy eyes.
Once I accidentally bumped into a lesbian outfielder at the drinking fountain. She spat at me snarled, "Watch it pussy boy." I backed away slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements. Her red-eyed Rottweiler strained at the leash wanting desperately to bite me in the larynx.
I've noticed the the umpire's calls always seem to go in favor of the meanest looking lesbians. One pitch was so high it sailed over the batter's head and hit the umpire in the throat. One glare from the lesbian pitcher is all it took. "Steeee-rike," he gurgled, wiping the spinal fluid leaking out his ear.
I say leave the sports to the lesbians. We have more important callings in life such as making music, cutting hair and flight attendant-ing.
Sure there are a few token gay guys on the teams but for the most part, girl power. Craig, I and Alasdair sat quietly on the bleachers carefully averting our eyes whenever one of the the lezbies sauntered by. They can be quite intimidating with their mohawks, scars, tattoos, sharp teeth and crazy eyes.
Once I accidentally bumped into a lesbian outfielder at the drinking fountain. She spat at me snarled, "Watch it pussy boy." I backed away slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements. Her red-eyed Rottweiler strained at the leash wanting desperately to bite me in the larynx.
I've noticed the the umpire's calls always seem to go in favor of the meanest looking lesbians. One pitch was so high it sailed over the batter's head and hit the umpire in the throat. One glare from the lesbian pitcher is all it took. "Steeee-rike," he gurgled, wiping the spinal fluid leaking out his ear.
I say leave the sports to the lesbians. We have more important callings in life such as making music, cutting hair and flight attendant-ing.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Make a List
When lots of bad things seem to be happening around you, sometimes you need to make a list of some things you are thankful for. Here are a few of mine:
- My sister Marianne
- British humor
- Choral music
- Garden tomatoes
- Air conditioners
- COT
- Lightning
- My friendships with some amazing people
- Mechanical pencils
- People who laugh frequently
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